Laying it out
by solussword
Summary: The entire school decides to put it on the table and measure...


A/N:**so, uh, I really have no clue if I'm doing this wrong, posting it somewhere I shouldn't be, or writing a terrible story. This is my second attempt at a fanfic, first actual posting of one, so you'll have to bear with me. Oh, And it's Beta less. Joy. Anyway, if you actually read and enjoy my fanfic, I would LOVE some feedback.**

The great hall was unusually silent that cold winter dinner. It was like noise had gone to Jamaica, and as an afterthought, gave the sounds of tinkling forks as a _Greetings from_ The Great Hall was lacking in the usual merriment, it made up for with tension. It seemed that every boy in the building had their shoulders tensed, heads bowed, and eyes shifting. The female population seemed bored; resigned, even, to the silence. The staff echoed the silence.

After what seemed to be much trepidation, a platinum head popped up from the Slytherin table."Four and three centimeters!" Malfoy said quickly, before darting his head back to his mashed potatoes. Everybody at the Gryffindor table snickered.

Dean Thomas raised his head, seemingly to enjoy the candles floating in the ceiling. As If commenting on the particularly bright luminescence that day, he said, "five and 6 six centimeters." He looked down and stabbed a slice of turkey. Blaise Zambini stood up gracefully, and glared at the apposing table. "6 and 8 cent-I-meters" He said, smirking. He sat down with a twirl of his robe. This earned several chuckles, and several other ferocious dismemberment of turkeys. Suddenly, there was a movement from the Ravenclaw table. In a flourish of radishes and tinfoil, Luna Lovegood abruptly darted to the Gryffindor side to pinch a Redheads bottom. "OW!" Screamed a perturbed Ronald Weasly, jumping up from his seat. Luna cupped her hands around her mouth and shouted "Seven and four wonderful centimeters!" Everybody from both sides turned their heads towards the bright red face of the now well known Ronald. Luna skipped happily back to the Ravenclaw table.

Snape, who seemed resigned to being silent and reading a copy of The Daily Prophet, cleared his throat and said nasally, "Seven and six." Every head from the student body turned, most with a mixed expression of disgust and disbelief on their faces. If one were to listen closely, one would here a muted mutter of, "bullshit." Snape simply ruffled the paper, and continued reading. Hermione Granger, who had been gnawing on carrots for this whole ordeal, suddenly grabbed Harry Potters' hand and exclaimed primly, "Eight and ten centimeters!"

Now every head turned towards the Gryffindor table. Several neck cracks were audible. Ron broke the stunned silence and said, "Well, I guess there is a god after all."This statement was accompanied by nothing but grins.

At the staff table, a certain headmaster was drawing a large breath. "Nine and three centimeters." The aged man said. All heads quickly turned towards the table. More cracks were brought about, accompanied by loud groaning. Neville Longbottom, unbeknownst to everybody else had been smugly nibbling a roll this entire time. Putting the flour based product calmly down, he braced his hands against the table. After jumping off the bench, he strutted towards the front of the hall. All eating utensils had stopped, whether in the mouths of the users or their plates, any and all noises had ceased. Neville, now at the front, spread his arms wide and shouted to no one in particular, "Eleven and freaking NINE!"

Giving himself a quick fist pump, he started a walking victory lap around the tables. Harry stood up, after sitting utterly dazed for a full three minutes, and started grinning madly. He started to clap slowly. "Ne-ville. Ne-ville." He chanted, in sync with his hands. Soon the call was joined by a more enthusiastic Ginny, a disgruntled Ron, a slightly disappointed headmaster, and even a glassey eyed pansy. Soon the whole school, staff included, (Besides Snape. And most of the male Slytherins. Everybody knew they were wankers anyway.) took up with the chant. Neville long bottom (Longstaff, perhaps?), shyest Gryffindor, was greeted heartily with pats on the back and enthusiastic kisses from both male and female population, respectively.

From that day forward, Neville was Gryffindors resident hippogriff.

**A/N: So? how was it? Did it suck? Was it good? Did you laugh? Did I post it somewhere I shouldn't have? Tell me! please!**


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